AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH RISHI DHAMALA

Who said I cannot speak English? Photo: khojj.com

I HAD CHALLENGED TO SPEAK ONE HOUR IN ENGLISH AND TODAY I HAVE KEPT MY WORDS BY SPEAKING IN ENGLISH FOR ONE HOUR: Rishi Dhamala

By LB THAPA

Today my guest is a very special person. He needs no introduction because he always introduces himself. You can see him on every television news channel. Whether you want to see him or not, you have to see him. You cannot avoid him seeing on TV news channels. There is absolutely no way to avoid him. The only way not to see him is to either turn off your TV or shut your eyes. 

Now you must have understood how strong a personality my guest has. Yes, you are right. Today my special guest is Mr. Rishi Dhamala. What is new in today’s interview? New, well, today Mr. Dhamala will not do Hamala; we will launch a Hamala on Mr. Dhamala instead. 

The other day, while speaking with ‘Mero online TV’, Rishi Dhamala had challenged to speak in English for one hour. Mr. Dhamala has kept his words. Today Rishi Dhamala has given this interview to Read 2B Happy in English.

So, are you ready my dear readers of Read 2B Happy? Let’s make a nasty Hamala on Mr. Dhamala.

 

Rishi Dhamala is busy with an interview. Photo: images.com

You are most welcome to this interview.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you. You see, nowadays many political activities are going on in the country. I have to keep myself up-to-date about every change that takes place in the country.

Indian Prime Minister Modi can visit Nepal any time soon. This news has disturbed me more than anyone else. You see, I even canceled an interview with Jyoti Magar and now I am very busy collecting extra LPG gas cylinders and storing some extra liters of petrol and so on. Nepali people cannot trust Mr. Modi as he says one thing but does exactly the opposite.  

In the second development, Prime Minister Kohli, sorry I mean Oli, has failed to include Ubhadre Yadav in the government. Only yesterday night I talked with Mr. Yadav, he was also surprised because he expected a share in the government.

Actually, his name is Upendra Yadav. Your pronunciation of his name is wrong.

Look, you don’t understand my highly modified English. When he joined Madhes politics, he was Upendra Yadav, but nowadays, due to his monkey business, we patrakars call him Ubhadre Yadav. In the meantime, let me tell you that my wife says my spoken English has a very high standard. I think she is right because my English is as creative & innovative as Laxmi Prasad Devkota’s.

Laxmi Prasad Devkota! But he used to write in Nepali, not in English. Then how can you say that he was very innovative in the use of the English language?

You see. You are unable to understand my modified English. I am the grandfather of the modified English language. Once upon a time, Laxmi Prasad Devkota was speaking about Muna Madan before an English-speaking audience. In the meantime, he was short for words then he coined new English words like coparing and chitharing. You know, these words instantly became popular in Nepali English.   

Ok, I understand that but you said you are the grandfather of innovative English…I think it should be ‘father of’ not ‘grandfather of’. Isn’t it?

You see. Once again, you are unable to understand my modified English. I am not the father of modified English as there are many fathers…I am one step ahead of them. I am the grandfather of modified English. It is Dhamala English. You know.

 

This is Dhamala style of speaking. Photo: images.com

While taking interviews you move your hands too much…at times it gets on people’s nerves.

Good question, good question, very good question, well…excellent question. I like this question very much.

Excuse me, by the way, what was the question?

What! You said you liked my question very much and now you ask me the question. Anyway, my question is why do you move your hands too much while talking in interviews?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I remember now. There are two obvious reasons for moving my hands. Rishi Dhamala will tell you today. When I was studying in Dhading, I joined Chus Lee Karate Dojang. After completing the karate course, I was ready for the final test, the black belt.

My guru Jhapat Bahadur Ale Gharti Magar beat me black and blue then gave me the black belt. While giving the black belt, he said, “Rishi, your course is over and you deserve a black belt, because your skin has become as thick as a rhino of Chitwan National Park. No matter how much criticism you receive, nothing can penetrate your thick skin”.

The second thing why I move my hands is that I am afraid of a fly sitting on my nose. I cannot tolerate anything sitting on my nose. For me, my nose is everything. After all, it is my nose that made me a celebrity patrakar.

What???!! How is it possible to become a celebrity patrakar by a nose alone?

Don’t be over-excited. In the beginning when I was struggling as a bhukka patrakar. I would make my way through the crowd and reach the stage to stand behind the VIPs and manage to pop up my face. Sometimes, the crowd would be so thick that to show the entire face to the camera was not possible. Then I would be satisfied with showing only my nose. Very soon my nose became so famous that even after looking at my nose on the screen every viewer would say ‘look, that must be Rishi Dhamala’s nose’. You see, how my nose made me so popular.

I must appreciate your nose. Some time ago, you had given an interview to ‘Mero Online TV’. During the interview, you had challenged to speak in English for one hour. What was the matter?

My critics say that Rishi Dhamala cannot speak English. Then I told in the interview that Rishi Dhamala could speak English and I would speak for one hour. Today I have kept my words by speaking in English for one hour. After this interview, I will go to Baluwapari to take Sher Bahadur Deuba’s interview. You know I am a very busy type of patrakar.

Sir, it is Baluwatar not Baluwapari.

You don’t understand my modified English. When he was Prime Minister, he was in Baluwatar, now he is not in power, so he is in Baluwatar-pari.

Oh, now I understand. You said you want to take Sher Bahadur Deuba’s interview. I want to ask one question about Biralo Bahadur, sorry, I mean Sher Bahadur Deuba. Don’t you think the media always presents Mr. Deuba in the wrong way?

Yes, you are right…he is largely misunderstood by the people and media. I tell you why the media always presents him in the wrong way. Actually many patrakars don’t understand what Mr. Deuba has spoken. Some patrakars understand 5% others maybe 20% and so on and so forth. In a situation like this how they can report correctly. It took 20-year for me to understand his unique style of speech.

Oh, that’s why you are called hanuman of Nepali congress. Am I right? You should answer this question because Janta wants to know.

This is an allegation. Truth has it that I am not hanuman of Nepali Congress…I’m a people’s partaker. However, the great Girija Prasad Koirala was my political guru. He had taught me many valuable lessons in life and for that; I am much indebted to him.

Sir, what did he teach you? Janta wants to know.

Girija Babu told me: “Look Rishi, I can give you a ticket and make you Mantri, but there are too many Rishi Dhamala in Nepali Congress. However, in the field of Nepali Patrakarita, there is only one Rishi Dhamala. If I take you to politics then it will be a big loss to Nepali Patrakarita”. This was the reason Girija Babu did not recruit me to Nepali Congress Paltan.

The second thing he taught me was that always take criticism as praise. “You will become more famous by criticism, not by the praise. Look at me my elder brother criticized me by calling ‘havaldar’, but eventually, this havaldar became the Prime Minister of this country four times”.

All right, now let’s change the topic. Nepali people felt humiliated and insulted when you did reporting in Hindi, in fact, the question was asked in English. You were supposed to do reporting in English.

First of all, you should understand that the standard of my English is very high. It is, sometimes, very difficult for ordinary people to understand my highly creative and modified English. To confirm the standard of my English you can ask Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav of Bihar. He is fond of my English.

One time I was speaking with a BBC correspondent, I spoke nonstop in English then I looked at the face of the BBC journalist. He looked pale, confused, shocked, and miserable. I really felt pity for him and I paused for a while. When I asked him about his deteriorating condition, he told me that he could not understand my English. You see! How terrific English I spoke!  

 

Rishi Dhamala is doing yoga. Photo: photopatrakarita.com

But, sir, how is it possible that a BBC reporter could not understand your English?

How he could understand my English when even I could not understand my own English. You see…this type of English is called ‘enigmatic English’. There are only a few people in the world who can speak ‘Enigmatic English’…I am one of them.  

Oh my god! I am convinced about your English. But, sir my original question is that why did you not reply in English when the TV journalist had asked you in English?

Yes, yes, I am coming to the same point. I spoke in Hindi because many Indians might be unable to comprehend my English. To be honest, I did not want to terrorize Indian people with my high-quality English.

In fact, I wanted to do reporting in English, but my friend Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav cried at top of his voice and said ‘for god's sake, Rishi Ji, don’t speak in English…have mercy upon us. Then I changed my mind and said ‘don’t worry Laloo Ji, I will speak in Hindi’.

But your Hindi was broken from different places. It was like ashtabakra Hindi.

All right, I spoke in Hindi. But didn’t you notice how patriotic I was?

 

After knowing Rishi Dhamala's knowledge about cricket, Paras Khada, past cricket captain of the Nepali National team is about to cry. Photo: hddefault.com

Patriotic! But how?

While speaking in Hindi, I, very cleverly and rather deliberately mixed many Nepali words in the reporting. Because of that, many Nepali words, which I used while reporting, became viral in India. Why don’t Nepali media tell this thing to Nepali janta?

When you take interviews with models and actresses, you always ask them why they wear scanty dresses. But, now you are mum as your wife, in a film, jumps like a frog in a mini skirt. Answer this question, because Janta wants to know.

Yes, you are right. I am thinking of calling my wife in my program Dhamala ko Hamala. But I cannot do it for some obvious reasons. Look, I can do Hamala on her in the program, but who will save me from her Hamala at home. I think you have understood my problem.   

Oh, yes you will definitely land in trouble…I understand. Well, let me ask you another question. While interviewing Paras Khadka, you asked him questions as if he was the captain of the Nepali football team. Do you agree? Tell us, Janta wants to know.

Look, actually it was not my mistake. On that particular day, I was supposed to take the interview of Bimal Gharti Magar after then Paras Khadka. I was waiting for Bimal Gharti Magar, but there came Paras Khadka. In the confusion, the lists of the questions were exchanged and I asked him questions from the wrong list. But this is not a big issue. There are many serious issues in the country to follow.   

However, don’t underestimate my knowledge about cricket. In the future, you should not be surprised if you see Rishi Dhamala delivering cricket commentary in English. One day who knows Paras Khadka can also become a great cricket player like Maradona. 

 

Me and playing cricket...heeeeeesch. Photo: Getty Images

What! Maradona and great cricket player. He is a football player.

Oh, Maradona started playing football, but when I knew him, he used to play cricket. Look, you see, I got a miss call from Sher Bahadur Deuba from Baluwapari. I am going to take his interview. You know, I am a very busy type of journalist.   

Note: This piece of article is only for entertainment purposes. Its purpose is not to tarnish the image of Rishi Dhamala ji. Actually, I always respect him as one of the most hardworking journalists in the country.  

LB Thapa is a Pokhara-based freelance writer and author.

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For more enlightenment, you can also watch these videos of our most versatile journalist Rishi Dhamala. 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=umBuCd5uIfQ (Dhamala reporting to Indian TV)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk4vcbHn2oo (challenging to speak for one hour in English)